We have to make decisions all the time, sometimes based on little information. Some experts say adults make over 35,000 decisions a day – with nearly 250 of those on food alone! Obviously a very large portion of those we don’t even register as a decision moment – do I speed up on this highway, should I wash this spoon or just put it in the dishwasher. There are some that are more significant that we might recall – which project to work on today, should I fill up the gas tank.

But there are other decisions that happen infrequently, that significantly shape our future. These are the decision points that put us at “the edge” and force us to decide to jump, retreat or freeze. These times influence where we are versus where we could have been.

Mr. Destiny

A few years ago, Michael Caine and James Belushi starred in a movie called Mr. Destiny. Belushi’s character (Larry) was a mid-level accountant as a large company. He was constantly haunted by a moment in his youth. Larry played minor baseball and his team was in the state championship. Bottom of the ninth inning, two out and with his team down by a run, Larry comes to bat. Digging in with all eyes watching, he strikes out. Absolutely devastated, the memory had eaten at him for 20 years.

“If only I had hit the damn ball. If only I had swung a little earlier.”

In a series of seemingly unfortunate events, Larry met Michael Caine’s character (Mike) who was a bartender in this mysterious bar called The Universal Joint. After a brief exchange where Larry tells of his problems and how they all stemmed from that fateful strikeout, Mike gave Larry a drink called “The Split Milk”.

Once leaving the bar, Larry soon discovered that he did hit the winning run and his life was dramatically different. Rich, famous and powerful, it seemed like he had it all – yet he also had the memory of how his life was. As glamorous as the new life seemed, he missed his wife, kids and friends.

At one point in the movie, Larry asked Mike what happened to his life, why did it change so much. Mike simply replied, “You hit the ball, Larry”. Larry did not understand how it could make such a difference.

In a brilliant demonstration, Mike (who we can call Mr. Destiny) showed how a major decision or circumstance in one’s life can bump them in a slightly different direction down one path or another, almost unnoticeable at the moment. But the differences in the two paths widen as time goes on, causing a change in destiny.

Like many of you, I have had some of those moments that have created my destiny. Some of these moments involved me making a decision on my own. Some of these moments involved other people nudging me one way or another.

Ultimately, it was me who had to decide which path to follow, but sometimes it was input from others that presented the options. These moments seemed so minor at the time, that I probably didn’t express my feelings adequately right then. I still do the occasional Google search for the names of people I want to thank.

A Bump in the Right Direction

My path through school was not traditional. I dropped out of grade 11 four different times, from three different schools. I still don’t have a high school diploma. When I was 19, I decided to go back to school to get a grade 12 equivalency from a local college. Since I was doing this on my own choosing, it worked out a lot better. I dug in and applied myself.

I soon discovered that some subjects came very easy to me and I was fortunate to have good marks in math. This helped create a connection between me and the math teacher (Doug J.) and we got along extremely well.

One afternoon, Doug and I were having a coffee in the cafeteria. I recall distinctly when Doug asked me, “Have you ever thought about going to university?”. I can remember the room we were in and the table where we were sitting. I can still picture Doug very vividly, his head slightly tilted as he leaned in and said these words.

Up to that point, goint to university was never on my radar. I never thought about it either way. No one in my family that I knew had gone to university. It was simply not a concept I entertained – until that moment. The seed he planted was so small that it was hardly recognizable, but it was a seed that would grow and blossom. That small birth of an idea would open doors for me for many years to follow.

A Bump Away From the Wrong Direction

I left home when I was 16 years old. Through a series of twisting and winding events, I moved into a group home. Wesley House was a group home for teens like myself – not coping at home, yet needing a halfway step to complete independence. It was in this group home that I found my wings, with the help of the amazing staff and the friendships of fellow residents. Yet, like some environment where a number of teens collect, we experimented with some drugs and drinking.

On a particular Wednesday night, one of the residents (we’ll call him Dave) got some acid to share with us. I remember it was a Wednesday because those were the nights we played pick-up ice hockey with some of the group home staff and their friends. Prior to hockey on those nights, I also played in a bowling league with one of the other residents. I decided to take a hit of acid before going bowling. I was disappointed.

Even after bowling I really didn’t feel much of a reaction. I had to go back home before going to play hockey, so I asked for another hit. Dave obliged me. I went to play hockey that night. Since I was playing goalie, I was focused all through the game and didn’t think much about the acid. When I hit the change room after the game, the acid took its effect.

I proceeded to laugh continuously for the following few hours. The staff members in the change room asked what was up, but I just said I was in a great mood. I thought this was great – the acid made me feel better than ever, seemingly. The next day I asked Dave for some more acid. I wanted to relive that rush, that euphoria.

I was a drug dealer’s dream – one taste, and I wanted more, but thankfully Dave wasn’t a drug dealer. Instead of giving me more that day, he just simply said “ask me again one week from now. If you want some then, I’ll get you some more acid.”

I never did ask him a week later. In fact, I had just got back to my life and forgot about it entirely. By Dave being so wise in his teenage years, I was able to step back from the edge, and not take a jump into the abyss that more acid would have dragged me into.

Only a Few Decisions Made the Difference

The stories above are just two examples of maybe 6-8 decisions that have helped create the life I have now instead of living on the street, homeless with no family – or maybe not even living at all.

This may seem excessively dramatic, but I firmly believe the difference between me and the person I am giving money to on the street is only the result of 6-8 decisions. These are moments on the “edge” where I retreated or jumped, and made the right choice. There were many times I didn’t make the right choices, but fortunately, I did choose correctly sometimes.

I have often thought about Doug and Dave. I know Doug is a retired math teacher from Mohawk College. I would love an opportunity to meet with him one more time and thank him. I have no idea where to start looking for Dave, so I will just have to shower enough gratitude into the air and hope that some of it is sprinkled on him.

Thank you, Doug. Thank you, Dave. (I just cried while typing these last 2 sentences)

Do you have decision points that you know shaped your destiny? If so, please share it with us.